The best gift for your child

Your children can not wait to open the (expensive, shiny) gifts under the Christmas tree. How do you care without spoiling and raising a materialistic child?

It's already a cliché. Your child sometimes plays better with the box in which the gift came as with the gift itself. Every Christmas we are overloaded (privileged) children with presents. The latest mobile phone, iPad, Kindle ... or some of the movies that have been advertised on TV for months before Christmas. Without it, your blood will be far away from his friends.

The excitement builds up before Christmas. Maybe you still have the right to keep the gift for your child secret until it's opened. However, most children have already placed their orders at Ma and Pa by October. (Letter to Father Crisis? Lately forgotten!) Children are getting younger and younger, after all, just Mamma and Daddy, who scratch around to get the right gift for everyone.)

We sometimes raise selfish children, but we can teach them to appreciate life and presents, "said Mariaan Odendaal, psychologist of Little Falls, Roodepoort. "Children often expect them to have certain earthly possessions, otherwise they can not function."

Mariaan tells of the boy who received her counseling because he had a sport talent, but felt he could not reach his full potential. Why not? "But tannie, my parents do not take me for coaching at the moment so I can not participate in a tournament."

Mariaan says it happens to her at a time when we raise children who believe they can only perform if they have the right material possessions."They need the best shoes, rocket / sticks or equipment. And do not forget about the energy drinks. Otherwise they can not survive their talents! "

She wondered what happened to the creative development of your own talent, perseverance, stamina and natural skills to solve problems yourself. "Many of us are making children who are dependent on material things." And they accept such things for granted: "I'll get it or that for Christmas ..."

You may wonder if children still appreciate the gifts they get. Our example to our children unfortunately contributes to this, says Mariaan. "Few of us today cook a
chocolate cake or stop socks that have a hole in it. No, we are going to buy the cake at the home industry (at least) or simply buy new socks.

We therefore struggle to appreciate the time that comes into the making of something special. "The ideal is that our children learn that the Granny's Granny was a valuable gift because she did it herself and with love. Even though it may be the expensive grime bag with all the colors of eye shadow imaginable by Tannie Sus-en-so that makes your daughter much more excited.

"Children are selfish and want a lot, but it is our duty as parents to teach them to show appreciation," said Eugene du Plessis, psychologist of Faerie Glen, Pretoria. "Sigmund Freud believed we were all born fairly selfishly. If babies cry us and someone will immediately meet our needs. As we grow up, we learn the world does not always turn around us
. We must therefore learn from our parents a set of values ​​that will help us to adapt to society. "

He also blames the world in which children grow up. "It's a materialistic world in which the wow! Factor dominates. Your child plays computer games with incredible effects. He watches movies with spectacular effects - nowadays even in 3D with surround sound. The everyday will not impress him anymore. "

It's a world that portrays the media and movies as much more beautiful, more fantastic and more interesting than reality. "We, and our children, want things to adapt to this image, which is suggested - that you have to possess certain things to be acceptable."

Every parent wants to give his child the most beautiful and greatest. It's just the way we work on superficial society, he says. "If we always buy our children buy big gifts, we teach them that they are entitled to get it again."It does not have to be this way. Children learn a lot of their values ​​with us.Unfortunately, as we grow up, they will always want more. "

Therefore, you need to rehabilitate your child to be satisfied with the privileges he has and the emotion that goes into Granny's knitted scarf - rather than always wanting more, is his advice. Your child will have to learn is not always possible to get the best and most expensive, otherwise he will be disillusioned in the future. Because reality does not work, Eugene warns. "Teach your children purposefully to be content with what they have. Give them beautiful, well-thought-out personal gifts. "" What we do speaks much harder than we say. "

He warns the rivalry between families to give children the most beautiful and best can get ugly. "The best advice is not to take part in this 'game' at all. Children need things like love and parents. Gifts are just a bonus that gives color to it. "

That's what we do

A family of Bloemfontein nowadays limits the amount of Christmas gifts allowed. "We decide before Christmas as a family how we will do it. The previous Christmas gave the children a gift of R50 each. And adults just a little bit like a soap, "says Amanda Beetge

.

A family of Kempton Park decided that Christmas presents should be handmade. "We enjoyed it last year to see what each day comes with. There was a nicer Christmas atmosphere, "says Inge van der Merwe.

A Family  of  Potchefstroom decided as a family not to give Christmas gifts to each other. They support a charity organization every year and give presents for less privileged children. Heleen Badenhorst believes her children have learned in a positive way many people do not know the privilege of an expensive gift.

Teach him appreciation

You can change your child's mindset yourself, says Mariaan Odendaal. Do this as follows:

Understand the idea in your child's subconscious that he should appreciate little things. Praise him from a young age, for example, a nice picture or gift he made at the nursery school. It makes him feel proud and teaches you not only material things you buy in stores are valuable.

Do not accuse your child with remarks like: "There are many others who do not even have a piece of bread to eat." Positive reinforcement is more effective than punishment or guilt.

Do not spoil him too much. Ask yourself why you need to always buy the best for your child. Have you been hurt and now you try to make it up?Maybe you feel a bit uncertain about your position in the community and try to create a certain image? Whatever the reason, think about it. Ask yourself whether you make a positive contribution to your child's emotional development.

Give your child weekly or monthly pocket money. He then develops a better understanding of the value of money and may learn how unfair it is to expect an expensive gift. Let him buy Christmas gifts with his pocket money. He will soon learn these are the small things that count.

Give your children small jobs or responsibilities at home. Children get a greater appreciation of time and sacrifice as they learn to give their time. For example, they can help cover and cover the table, unpack the dishwasher or clean the pool. Please note, without payment, just a "thank you, I appreciate your help".

The greatest gift we can give to parents is undivided attention , an ear who really listen to our rage, someone sitting at the table and eating, and especially adults who treat each other with respect and love.

Teach your child's ways

You teach your child to thank and please say respect in exactly the same way he learns the opposite pole (selfishness, gratefulness, materialism).Follow this advice, says Eugene du Plessis.

Show your children how to behave. If you want them to have good ways and be respectful and grateful, you must set the example. Treat others so and your child will follow you.

Insist on good ways, like to say thank you if they get something, even though it is small . Teach them it is a valuable life skill. If you expect more of your child, you can get more out of it.

If you reward your child for good behavior, chances are that he will act correctly again. Discipline is needed, but punishment does not have the same positive effect to encourage good behavior. Research show reward is more effective. The best reward is social reward. Tell your child how much you are proud of him if he is doing well, instead of buying a gift. And it costs nothing.